Teambuilding
What happens when Lancers roleplay?
ZEPHYR: You both make your way into the heart of the forest, where you were told the root of the infection lies. There's an obvious change in your surroundings as you travel: the trees grow thicker, but their leaves are sparser. The lush greenery is replaced with a sickly yellow-brown, a thick, viscous sap seeping out from between cracks in the bark. There aren't any animals you can see, and outside your own steps, there's no sound. It's eerily quiet. And it smells really, really bad.
PATHOJEN: Like what?
ZEPHYR: Give me a "Senses" roll.
PATHOJEN: With the 20-sided dice, non? That's a 13!
ZEPHYR: Okay. It smells like decay and sickness.
PATHOJEN: Oooh! What kind of sickness?
ZEPHYR: What...kind?
PATHOJEN: Of course. Illness can be quite specific! Oh oh, and the decay! Animal? Plant matter? Human?
ZEPHYR: Uh--
AXON: Ughhh, this is BORING! I want to keep going, there's clearly a dastardly villain at play! I CHARGE forward to SLAY THE VILLAIN and heal the forest and win the adoration of the village!
ZEPHYR: You have to figure out if there's a villain before you can fight it, Axon.
AXON: Blah blah blah petty details in the face of my greatness. Inevitability. I, Axonicus the Chosen, charge forward.
PATHOJEN: Hmm. Good idea. You can be my first test subject.
ZEPHYR: Okay... Well, you charged forward, so. Congrats. In your thoughtless charge, you miss the net hidden under the detritus. It snaps closed, hoisting you up into the air. Can you give me a "Break" roll?
AXON: WHAT?! No, no no no, that isn't fair. I would have seen the trap. It wouldn't have gotten me.
ZEPHYR: You didn't say you were looking for traps. That's something you have to declare beforehand.
AXON: But I WOULD have seen it! I'm the Chosen One. A simple trap would never catch me off guard. Such a cliche one too!
PATHOJEN: I am taking notes on Axonicus' failures and the make of the trap.
AXON: What?! Hey, you can't--
ZEPHYR: SIGHHHH. Fine. Axonicus, make me a "Notice" roll to see if you would have seen the trap. You're lucky you guys are beginners...
AXON: HaHA! That's a 19. I deftly avoid the stupid net trap and continue my charge into the heart of the infection, where I battle and destroy the King of Rot.
ZEPHYR: ...Axon, I can see your dice. That's not a 19. It's a 4.
AXON: No, no, it's a 19. I have a +15 to the roll.
ZEPHYR: You're level 1, that's literally impossible.
AXON: There's a part at the beginning of the guidebook about making adjustments you feel are necessary. I'm the CHOSEN One, so I made some adjustments better fitting my character.
ZEPHYR: That's--Axon, that's for Game Masters, not players! Let me see your character sheet.
...
ZEPHYR: You... You made every single one of your base stats a 25. All of your secondary stats have a +15. And you gave yourself a legendary weapon. You have abilities that don't even come with your class. What is this? You showed me a different sheet before we started!
AXON: I did, but it didn't feel right, so I changed it.
ZEPHYR: No way. This is unusable. You're cheating.
AXON: I'm not CHEATING, I'm ACTING as my CHARACTER! Don't stifle my creativity! Why would the Chosen One have such low stats? I'm THE hero! Soon to be the king, then a GOD! Besides, you let Jeanine play a mushroom.
ZEPHYR: No, no, no, absolutely not, no. We're using your original sheet. The whole point is that you're weak, and THEN you get strong. Jeanine gets to play a mushroom person because that's just a variation on an existing thing. You rolled a 4. At max, you probably have a +5 to your Notice rolls. That would be a 9. You miss the trap, and it snaps closed. You're in the air. Please give me that Break roll to see if you can break out of it. Amanita, what are you doing?
PATHOJEN: As I said! I am taking notes on his failure and the make of the net. And I want to look for fellow mushrooms to talk to!
AXON: I--I rolled a 10.
ZEPHYR: Greattt. Thanks for finally being honest. A 10 doesn't get you out, but you start struggling, and you feel like you'll be able to escape soon.
AXON: FINE. Jeanine, get me out!
PATHOJEN: I am not Jeanine.
AXON: *Amanita.* Help me out, please!
PATHOJEN: Hmm. No.
AXON: WHAT?!
ZEPHYR: Um. Amanita, you guys *are* on the same team...
PATHOJEN: Oh I know! But I cannot. I'm a mushroom. I am much too short to reach!
AXON: Hey, come on! That sounds like an excuse, you just don't want to help me!
PATHOJEN: (ignoring him) Franca, I want to look for my fellow mushrooms now. Surely there are still fungi in this place. They can thrive anywhere!
ZEPHYR: Are you leaving Axonicus behind?
PATHOJEN: Well of course. I do not need a useless little elf man who can't even save himself. He'll be fine. I can recruit more mushrooms to our cause! We will make a formidable army.
AXON: SABOTAGE! She's undermining the team! Franca, disqualify her! Or whatever it is this game does to get rid of problem players.
PATHOJEN: What, and rushing ahead on your own isn't "sabotage"? You don't want to play as a team anyway, you just want to be the main character.
AXON: Well DUH, because I AM the main character. I'm the Chosen One! You're just an ugly little mushroom here to witness my rise to glory! I read your backstory. Tired, boring, overplayed, BORING. SOMEONE here has to be the center of the story.
PATHOJEN: *Ugly*? A mushroom is NEVER ugly. Franca, Axon is insulting me. Please punish him accordingly.
AXON: Well I'm SORRY you take the TRUTH as an insult! Franca--
ZEPHYR: SHUT. UP. BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP. We-- You know what, we're taking a break. Both of you get out, get AWAY from each other, and come back in a half hour. Uggghhh, Tim was never this much trouble...
